El Nino is coming

El Nino is coming, and that means less tropical terrorism. It also gives Karl Rove another chance to rally the base for his best Nino, NOTUS. Pardon me for speaking in the past tense, but you know it's coming.

Speaking at a Republican fundraiser, President Bush stated that he has the right approach to global warming. He stated “There are good people who don’t want to make this fight, the same people who want to cut and run everywhere else on our great planet. I respect their opinions, but I think they are wrong –-- and here’s why. I believe the ocean is a key battleground in the global war on warmth. We will fight them there, rather than here.” After only a smattering of applause, the President, raising his arm and pointing emphatically, said “There! Over there!” He got a standing ovation. The President then cautioned that the war was not over yet, and he needed everyone’s prayers and support. This produced another ovation, with cheering and whistling.

When questioned at the daily briefing, press secretary Tony Snow cited the President’s belief in free markets and his support for school prayer. Despite numerous questions by the press corps, he refused to elaborate, referring the matter to the appropriate authorities.

On the Sunday talk shows, Ken Mehlman, the Republican Party Chairman, said that this would be a good issue for Republican candidates in the days ahead. “The gloom and doom Democrats want lots of hurricanes with horrendous damage just to embarrass the President. They will find out where they stand when the polls close”

On Meet The Press, Vice President Cheney declared “Our opponents in Congress will stand by helplessly and watch which way the wind blows, while we prefer to keep the high pressure on until all hurricanes are squashed”. Tim Russert did not ask a follow-up question, simply staring at Mr. Cheney with his mouth open until commercial break.

Leading Democrats, surprisingly unified on the issue, declined comment pending new polling data. It was rumored that, behind closed doors, Howard Dean had to be convinced not to seek relief in the wrong direction.

All three cable networks put on scientists to refute the claims. In the interest of being Fair And Balanced, they also got scientists who supported the President. This made for some good shouting matches. Fox ratings went up.

A spokesman for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) refused to comment, stating that certain information is now classified.